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Truth is stranger than fiction, they say. Recently I've noted these and other newspaper headlines that made me, for one reason or another, do a double-take:
News of Improving Economy Worries Investors; Stocks Fall
Placebo's Ability to Cut Pain Real, Experts Say
Why Have Drone Strikes in Pakistan Skyrocketed?
Fecal Transplants Fight Superbug
Arsenic-Based Life Form Upends Genetic Model
Woman Saves Dog with Mouth-to-Mouth Resuscitation
And have gone on to imagine these:
Survey Reveals Muslims Overwhelmingly Favor Same-Sects Marriage
Woman Stabs Role-Playing Classmate in Anger Management Session
Sierra Club Warns That Better Gas Mileage in American-Made Cars Will Exacerbate Environmental Problems
Sales Up: Droid Eats Apples and BlackBerrys for Lunch
Valedictorian Marries Dropout, Vows 'For Better or For Worse, Till Depth Do Us Part'
Hanford Cafe Adds Fission Chips to Menu
Long Lines at Musee d'Orsay Prompt Tourist to Demand 'Just Show Me the Monet!'
Anti-Impressionist Art Critic Charges that Love of Monet Is Root of All Evil
Envoy Claims that Security in Islamabad Is Awful Bad
Board Chairman Calls Inconsiderate Use of Mobile Phones at Meetings 'Cellfish'
'Gad' Exclaims Psychiatric Patient When Told He Has General Anxiety Disorder
Assange Puts Military Secrets on Web 'Because It's Time to Get Down to Brass Texts'
Obama Says Tax Cuts for Rich Are Debtrimental to Nation's Economy
Chavez Calls Columbian Militias Malicious
Sommelier Recommends: Serve Reds at Room, Whites at Tomb, Temperature
'Just Doing My Job,' Declares TSA Employee Pat Downs
Restaurant Reviewer's Critique: 'The Pasta Was an Impasta, and the Steak Tartare Was Underdone'
An 'Ahi' Moment: Chest Pains Prompt Diner to Order Fish Instead of Beef
Younger Generation Singularly Focussed on Multitasking
Bank Robber Tells Cashier 'Relax or I'll Shoot You'
Artifice Is Nature's Way, Biologist Says
Screenior Citizens: Netlix-Subscribing Septuagenarians Enjoying Vigorous Pursuit of the Sedentary Life
Bernanke Updates Polonius: 'The Economy Needs Your Help--Either a Borrower or a Lender Be'
Early Nerds Catch Worms: McAfee's Virus-Detecting Experts Report for Work at 4:00 A.M.
Colin Firth to Sing 'If I Had a Stammer' at Academy Awards Ceremony
New Methane-Fueled Engine Runs on Poopourri of Waste Materials
Pot in Every Chicken: Creative Ways to Serve Medical Marijuana
A Crapella Church Choir Has Off-Beat Approach
The U.S. Tax Code: Quite Simply, It's Complicated
Teen Smokers Vow to Nip Problem in Butt
'You Deplete Me' Spouse Says at Divorce Proceeding
Odds Even for National Title Game
Regression to the Mean: Chinese Leaders Crack Down on Free Speech
PR Firm Advises Atheistic Candidate for Congress: 'You Don't Have a Prayer'
90% of Americans Consider Themselves Middle Class
Russia Says U.S. Missile Defense System Threatens World Peace
Tea Party Enthusiast to Scott Brown: 'You Had Me at Hell, No'
Critic Says Reviewers Praising Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue' Are Trying to 'Make a Montaigne out of a Molehill'
New Crematorium Calls Itself 'The Center for Deceased Control'
Survey of U.S. Death Customs Reveals that Many Are Palled but Few Are Frozen
Vitamin D-Starved Skin Cancer Patient Advised to Get More Sun
Truly Negative Medical Tests Reveal False Positives
Do Prince William and fiancee Kate Plan to Have Children? Mum's the Word
Jimmy and Rosalynn Head for Middle East to Carterize Political Wounds
AMA Study Reveals that Americans Show 3-Fold Increase in Belly Size
Bernanke Transfers Chinese-Held U.S. Debt to Visa Card; Will Use 1% Rebate For Unemployment Benefits
High School Survey Reveals that Characteristic Students Most Strive for Is Text Appeal
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