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Sometimes I feel like a kid in a candy store or like
a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills
Charlie Sheen in a strip club
a Mariner pitcher with a two-run lead
a bully on the playground during recess
a hippie in a Woodstock mud puddle
a grease monkey at Jiffy Lube when a female senior citizen drives in for an oil change
a twenty-something isolated one-on-one with a septuagenarian in a pickup basketball game
an Arizona cop spotting a Hispanic driver who didn't signal when changing lanes
a misanthropist at a Larry David retrospective
an obsessive-compulsive dancing the macarena
a maggot on a corpse
an environmentalist spotting an oil pipeline leak
a Tea Party representative attacking a governmental budget
a Sunni wearing a suicide bomb vest in a crowd of Shiites
Ernie Banks noting a doubleheader on the Cubs' schedule
Jared Loughner at a gun show
Lindsey Lohan chatting up a lesbian pharmacist
a dermatologist with an Arizona practice
an anthropic global warming believer poring over weather data for the past 10 years
a college football lover on New Year's Day
Julian Assange getting hold of another clutch of purloined diplomatic cables
Mark Zuckerberg learning of the Winklevoss twins' project
Andy Pettite borrowing Roger Clemans' syringe
Ahmed Chalabi in a meeting with the neo-cons
a left-hander in a pro-bowling final match
an invalid with a sweettooth and a pan of marijuana brownies
Gov. Scott Wilson dealing with a strike by Wisconsin union members
a multi-tasker with an i-Pad
Jesse Jackson hearing a white person use the word "niggardly"
a bighorn sheep crossing the Highway 93 overpass near Hoover Dam
a 14-year-old with an unlimited texting plan
a Seattle Mariner traded to the Yankees
a gourmet getting the collected works of Elizabeth David for Christmas
Spike Lee at a Knicks-Heat game
a Shakespearean in the Folger Library
a basketball fan during March Madness
a seamhead at a Bill James book signing
Jack the Ripper at a slasher movie festival
Amar'e Stoudemire running the pick and roll with Steve Nash
Sarah Palin surrounded by Mama Grizzlies
Ariana Huffington dickering with AOL over the selling price of her blog
Judy Evans with a fistful of coupons in a Costco store
And sometimes I feel like a fish out of water or
a smoker in a bowling alley
a cute young waitress attending a table of senior men
Tiger Woods in contention in a golf tournament on Sunday
LeBron James returning to Cleveland for a game
Hosni Mubarak walking the streets of Cairo
Donald Rumsfeld visiting the Pentagon
Keith Olberman in a senior fitness center where all the TVs are tuned to Fox news
Barack Obama doing a meet-and-greet at a senior retirement village in Arizona
George W. Bush spearheading a promote-literacy campaign
a North Dakotan in a Starbucks store
a homeless person at a high school reunion
Ralph Nadar at a British Petroleum shareholders' meeting
a pacifist visiting a military base
a Christian Scientist in a hospital ER
an agnostic when grace is being said
a two-handed set shooter in a street-ball game
a lefthander with a fountain pen
a switchboard or elevator operator looking for a job
a person with a canker sore at a wine-tasting
a snowbird on a Scottsdale freeway
John McCain in the 21st century
a Tea Party member in a civics class
Clarence Thomas in a Supreme Court session
Michael Jordan general-managing an NBA team
Ahmedinijad in the Holocaust Museum
Joe Arpaio at a meeting of diplomats
Michelle Obama at a meeting of the Daughter of the American Revolution
Debbie Reynolds getting a text from Carrie Fisher
a cell tower in a public park
or the UW basketball team playing on the road
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