"He is, simply, the most interesting man in the world."  That, of course, would be Jonathan Goldsmith who, though he doesn't always drink beer, prefers Dos Equis when he does.  As you well know,

When he's in Rome, they do as he does
If he were to pat you on the back, you'd put it on your resume
Both sides of his pillow are cool.

But did you also know that

When he enters an airport, TSA employees ask him to pat them down
When he surfs, he hangs eleven
He can remember your repressed memories
At restaurants, waiters tip him for allowing them to be of service
When using a discount coupon, he apologizes and slips the cashier an extra $20
He takes 0ne-a-Week vitamins
He can quote the King James version of the Bible as King John would have spoken it
He has solar and lunar panels on the roof of his house
He leaves less of a carbon footprint than an aborigine
The Founding Fathers said in a footnote to the Constitution that if he had been born at that time he would have been one of them
The Supreme Court consults with him before making a decision
Hurricanes always have their eyes on him
Hal Holbrook once asked him for advice on how to play Mark Twain
What an Attic country should do in a financial crisis is not Greek to him
He can see dark matter
The only time he isn't way ahead of the curve is when he's hitting baseballs
When he attends a tennis match, he is asked to replace the Shot-Spot
With him in mind, Facebook added a Venerate category
When asked for his address, he simply says "Utopia"
When he walks into a bazaar, terrorists remove their suicide vests out of respect
When he's their passenger, drivers find their GPS superfluous
When life tries to give him lemons, he refuses them
With his naked eye he can see the nine dimensions postulated by string-theory advocates
He says he doesn't know who would be more delighted to meet his counterpart in a parallel universe--himself or himself
He is amused by the notion of a foreign language
After meeting him, women want to get more in touch with their masculine side
When his heart goes into a-fib, he simply commands it to settle down
When he's in Pamplona, he starts at the other end of the town and runs toward the bulls
He's so dedicated to improving his mind that he wears a singlet when doing mental gymnastics
When playing Texas Hold 'Em, he wins so often on the last card that they call him Old Man River
He once swam the English Channel underwater
He finished second in the Tour de France riding a unicycle
Other cyclists say they would kill to be able to borrow his blood for doping
He puts his pants on two legs at a time
He can eat his cake and still have it
He has never taken his eye off the ball
He has so much gravitas that he has to balance it by inhaling helium
On Karaoke night, he's the only scat singer
Police officers smile and wave when they spot him texting and watching a DVD while driving
Every time they see each other at a bar, Charlie Sheen points to him and says "Winner"
When he's in their country in October, Mexicans feel so alive that they forget all about the Day of the Dead
When he competes in hotdog eating contests, out of fairness he asks for the footlongs
He can tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite
When tasting wine, he can distinguish the exact dividing lines between forward fruit, center fruit, and backward fruit
He is able to parallel park a stretch limo
He has Attention Surplus Disorder
When his local blood bank runs low on supply, he squeezes blood from turnips and donates it
Even when his reach exceeds his grasp, it doesn't
He can hear the sound of one hand clapping
When he comes into their assigned area, security guards feel safer
He has found a use for all 60,000 iPad apps
He can see and hold the ineffable
He can preserve the ephemeral
He is conscious of his unconscious
The world finds it impossible to get angry with him
He finds it imposssible to get angry with himself
He experiences nothing but cognitive consonance
When he's a guest on the program, "Saturday Night Live" actually has a little life
He has such compassion for the misbegotten and the downtrodden that whenever he's in Seattle he attends a Mariner game
When he's in Seattle, he says "Let a simile be your umbrella--the rain is as dry as a Dominus 2008 Napa Cabernet"

As Benjamin Franklin once pointed out, we can be certain only of death, taxes, and the majesty of the most interesting man in the world.