 |
|
|
 |
|
Welcome back to NPR, National Punning Radio. Here are headlines from stories we're following today:
That's Just Many Being Many: "Occupy Wall Street" Crowd Gets Out of Control Again
Heatonist Loves the Sunsual Life in Arizona
Chaos Theory Brings Order To Explanations Of The Inexplicable
Guerillas In Their Midst Attack Syrian Forces
Tender Is The Knight: New TV Commercial Shows Ex-Basketball Coach's Slightly Less Irascible Side
Some Seeking Getaway Head For Tropics; Others, Psychotropics
Anchorage Anglers Cut Off By Salmon-Fishing Bear Find Themselves Up Ship Creek Without A Paddle
Scientists Call Hurricane Irene "Dry Run" For Future Global-Warming-Induced Disasters
Agnostic Says He Knows What He Doesn't Know
Europeans Call American Health Care System For Seniors "Mediocare"
Forensic Experts Gain Gnawledge From Study Of Bite Marks
After A Promising Spring, Mike Carp Turns Back Into Mike Crap
Smoker Quits Cold Turkey, Will Order It Hot From Now On
Pigs In A Blanket: Many Americans Now Eating One Or More Meals In Bed
Reporter Tries To Interview A Hyped-Up Marcel Marceau But Is Unable To Get A Gesture In Edgewise
Strip Club Feels Effect Of Bear Market
Loan Arranger Delivers Silver
Brickmason Finds Job So Tedious That He Just Throws In The Trowel
German Historian Searching Through 1940s Record Collections Finds Schindler's Liszt
At Sheepherder's Retirement Party, Celebrants Sing "There Will Never Be Another Ewe"
Homer-Loving Mafia Head Whacked After Rosy Fingered Don
Sin of Emission: Polluting Factory Found Guilty
Public Broadcasters Adamantly Against Airing Commercials on PBS
Dentist's Advice To Teens: Avoid Sugared Drinks Like The Plaque
City Council Discussion Of Sidewalk Problem Termed "Pedestrian"
After Assassination, Families of 9/11 Victims Create New Dance: A Samba Bin Laden
Center For Disease Control Publishes Pamphlet on "The Seven Habits Of Highly Infective People"
PayPal Lets You Put Your Money Where Your Mouse Is
Coach Says 7-Foot Basketball Player Has Huge Upside
For Revisionist Historians, Things Aren't What They Used To Be
Plate Tetonics At Work In Wyoming Mountains
New-Ager Gets Self Together By Drinking Integra Tea
Forgiving Vietnamese Finally Able To Say "Who Hmong Us Is Without Sin?"
Drug Labs Show That New Hangover Medication Passes Lit-Mouse Test
Researcher Discovers Original Working Title For Spielberg's Epic Film: "Saving Ryan's Privates"
On Enforcement Of Immigration Laws, Both Sides Agree That The Lines Are Clearly Blurry
Humane Society Says It Has Muttmost Respect For Mongrels
Advocate For Physically-Challenged Says It's No Longer Appropriate To Use The Term "Lame Excuses"
Paraphrase The Lord And Pass The Ammunition: NRA Says 3rd Commandment Should Read "Murder," Not "Kill"
Ahmidinejad Says "Why Pick On Us? Nuclear Weapons Don't Kill People, People Kill People"
Global-Warming Combatants Say That To Preserve Our Way Of Life We Must Destroy Our Way Of Life
Tongue-Tied Speech-Maker Experiences Utter Failure
Contrarian's Catch Phrase Comes From Lou Costello: "Hey, Yeah, But"
Average Sentences For Marijuana Possession Show Regression To The Mean
Swing-Music-Loving Senior Citizens Have No Rapport With Rap
News That Pfizer Will Give Out Free Samples Of Viagra Goes Virile
Frackers Open New Chain: Shale Gas Stations
Supreme Court Tells Obamacare Advocates That Their Arguments Will Be Evaluated As To Whether They Are Wrong, Incorrect, Or Just Not Right
Tonight's Lunar Eclipse To Come Bright And Early
Nutritionists Touting Carob Spring
Romney Says He's Very Eager To Not Talk About Flip-Flopping
Paul Ryan Says "Down With Big Government? I Am SoDown With That!"
Poll Reveals Many Americans Worried About Being Stressed
Bored Movie-Goer Says "Lawrence Of Arabia" Was Over In A Newark Minute
In Regard To American Troops In Iraq And Afghanistan, McCain Says Congress Must Pull Out All The Stops To Stop All The Pullouts
Hoop Team Works Hard To Get Some Easy Baskets
U.S. Highways Said To Be Going Downhill
Left-Leaning Critics Say Obama's Approach To Economic Problems Not Very Stimulating
Arizona Inmate Goes On Hunger Strike To Protest Malnutrition In Prisons
Oregon Prisoner Wants To Be Executed To Protest Injustice Of Capital Punishment
Former Baseball All-Star's Son Strikes Out On His Own
Arizona School District Allows Concealed Weapons On Campus But Rules That Kids' Squirt Guns Are "Too Disruptive"
Will Not Work For Food: North Korea To Stop Production Of Nuclear Weapons In Exchange For Grain
McCain Charges That In Syria Obama Is Again Leading From Behind (The 8-Ball)
Free-Market Advocate Proposes Using Congestion Pricing To Reduce Crowds In Hospital Emergency Rooms
Koch Brothers Say Olympia Snowe Resignation Means That's One Less Democrat That Needs To Be Defeated
|
|
|