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There's this guy I know who's not very bright. He's a few bricks shy of a load and
a few throw pillows shy of a realty agent's staging and
a few pools of grease shy of a barbecue and
a few tics shy of an obsessive-compulsive disease and
a few openly carried guns shy of a Starbucks and
a few mea culpas shy of a celebrity caught in flagrante delicto and
a few egregious fees shy of a credit-card company and
a few grams of fat shy of a Baskin-Robbins and
a few typos shy of a rough draft and
a few steroid injections shy of a Roger Clemens and
a few strobe lights shy of a disco and
a few rocks shy of a xeriscape and
a few swaggers shy of a Kobe Bryant and
a few sobs shy of Terms of Endearment and
a few Saabs shy of a Swedish car dealer and
a few strikeouts shy of a Mark Reynolds and
a few crunches shy of a six-pack and
a few tatoos shy of an NBA player and
a few wrinkles shy of a septuagenarian and
a few windmill-tilts shy of a Don Quixote and
a few return visits shy of a Columbo and
a few breakups shy of a cell phone and
a few trite remarks shy of a sermon and
a few footnotes shy of a research paper and
a few raging hormones shy of a teenager and
a few recalls shy of a Toyota dealer and
a few jalapenos shy of a salsa and
a few cubits shy of an ark and
a few decibels shy of a rock band and
a few unctuous phrases shy of a sales pitch and
a few pixels shy of High-Def and
a few nuclear bombs shy of a world power and
a few wins shy of a championship and
a few grains of salt shy of a skeptic and
a few peeps shy of a posse and
a few pars shy of a low handicap and
a few dribbles shy of attacking the basket and
a few solar panels shy of an energy policy and
a few wolves shy of an endangered species and
a few beers shy of an Octoberfest and
a few tequilas shy of a fiesta and
a few screens shy of a motion offense and
a few crucifixes shy of a church and
a few broccoli spears shy of a healthy dinner and
a few urinals shy of a men's room and
a few hook shots shy of old-school and
a few mistresses shy of a Tiger Woods and
a few yards shy of a ground game and
a few bombastic statements shy of hyperbole and
a few rate hikes shy of a cable company and
a few travels shy of an And-1 game and
a few network promotions shy of an Oscar telecast and
a few structureless sketches shy of a Saturday Night Live and
a few obvious rhymes shy of a rap song and
a few arpeggios shy of an Oscar Peterson and
a few timeouts shy of the last minute of an NBA game and
a few mispronunciations shy of a George Bush and
a few dandelion salads shy of a locavore and
a few holding calls shy of a football game and
a few recruiting violations shy of a John Calipari and
a few posturings shy of a prize-fighters' weigh-in and
a few guilt trips shy of a pledge drive and
a few singlets shy of a wrestling team and
a few tongue studs shy of a Goth and
a few credit-default swaps shy of a bank collapse and
a few razed settlements shy of a two-state solution and
a few tantrums shy of a diva and
a few gray skies shy of a Seattle and
a few surrealistic faces shy of a Picasso and
a few closed rest areas shy of an Arizona highway and
a few sex-abuse cases shy of a Catholic church and
a few convoluted sentences shy of a William Faulkner and
a few understatements shy of a Hemingway hero and
a few literal readings of the Constitution shy of an Antonin Scalia and
a few insensitive remarks shy of a Larry David and
a few acid-droppings shy of a Timothy Leary and
a few ideals shy of a Plato and
a few subterfuges shy of a Machiavelli and
a few anagrams and puns shy of a Vladimir Nabokov and
a few lascivious leers shy of a Groucho Marx and
a few insults shy of a Don Rickles and
a few tiny bubbles shy of a Don Ho and
a few released prisoners shy of a state budget crisis and
a few censored websites shy of a Chinese government and
a few compromises shy of a health-care bill and
a few cameras shy of enforcing speed limits and
a few checked-bag fees shy of an airline and
a few apps shy of an iPad and
a few foreclosures shy of a housing market crisis and
a few improvised explosive devices shy of an Afghanistan and
a few spray tans shy of a Dancing With The Stars show and
a few gaffes shy of a Joe Biden and
a few "Hons" shy of a Denny's waitress serving a senior citizen.
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