Portions served in restaurants need to be larger
Getting old has its compensations
Emoticons are more than just a crutch for writers who don't trust themselves to convey, or their readers to sense, tone
Car pool lane restrictions have been very effective in reducing the number of vehicles on freeways
Electric cars are on the verge of replacing gas-powered ones
The Jodie Arias trial was underreported
The American public can be counted on not to become caught
up in sensational trials
I'd rather watch TV on my 4" phone screen than on a 60" plasma set
The
U.S. should put boots on the ground in Syria and drive out Assad
The N.Y. Times Monday and Tuesday crossword puzzles are just too difficult
Obamacare has a high approval rating among seniors
A plethora of Massive Open Online Courses will soon be made available at little
cost
Texting while driving is just practical multi-tasking
The Dow Jones Average is an accurate
measure of the strength of the American economy
Patients get a warm, fuzzy feeling when their dentists' receptionists call to see how they're doing a day after undergoing a procedure
You can convince more people with a well-reasoned argument and a gun than you can with a gun alone
The revised
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders won't lead to false diagnoses and over-medicated patients
People who live in areas prone to floods, earthquakes,
or tornadoes will take prudent action and move to safer locations
It's better to die at the hands of a psychopath than at the hands of a terrorist
We can reduce the crime rate without using aggressive policing methods like "stop and frisk"
The smoking of electronic cigarettes should
be permitted in public places
The collapse of the I-5 bridge over Washington's Skagit River will stimulate a thorough refurbishing of America's transportation infrastructure
A la carte pricing won't soon lead to higher cable bills
The U.S. defense budget, currently more
than those of the next 10 great powers put together, should be increased to the point that it's larger than those of the next 20 great powers put together
Mitch McConnell has
a heart of gold
I never sign internet agreements that I haven't read
The presence of Walmart greeters
enriches the Walmart shopping experience
Online customer surveys help a company build good will with customers
Declaring an end to the war on terror will end terrorism
Crowdsourcing is a good way to determine who gets the death penalty
Penalyzing hospitals who readmit patients for the same condition within 30 days will be an effective way to save lives
Force-feeding is
the best way to handle a hunger strike
What this country needs is more interns
We should reject
out of hand the notion that man can achieve immortality through the use of avatars
Arya, a baby-name gaining popularity, does not have fascist overtones
I've made a provision in my will to give money to NPR
I'm including my Starbucks gold card in my estate
Monologues by Saturday Night Live guest hosts are very funny and get the show off to a strong start
SNL sketches are
tightly constructed
John Wayne brought subtlety to every role he played
If only Perry Como had
been able to relax when he sang
Columbo, House, and Monk are not just one-trick ponies
Mad
Men needs to adopt a more somber tone in order to achieve gravitas
Dan Brown's characters are richly layered
Sean "Diddy" Combs should play a character on Downton Abbey
Brook Burke-Charvet once asked a celebrity dancer on Dancing With the Stars an
incisive question
The NCAA pays more than lip service to the concept of the student-athlete
There's
too much scoring in soccer
I love the sound of a vuvuzela at a soccer game
The Mariners will contend
for the pennant this year
Other players will step up to replace Sue Bird and Lauren Jackson and the keep the Storm competitive this season
NBA teams don't take enough timeouts in the last two minutes of games
In-game TV interviews with coaches are not an embarrassment
for interviewers, coaches, and fans alike
Russell Westbrook should shoot the ball more often
It's
Tiger Woods' warmth and charm that make him a fan favorite
I like that MLB umpires get to determine their own strike zones
I like that NBA players are allowed to put their hand under the ball when dribbling
The NFL's collective bargaining agreement reducing salaries for
rookies will result in lower ticket prices
Watching softball and baseball batters step out of the box and re-Velcro their gloves after every pitch is time well spent
Flat-brimmed baseball caps don't make the wearer look like a little boy lost under his father's chapeau
Ecurb Snave's mid-range game perfectly complements his dunks and his corner 3s
Do me a solid--
Said no one ever
*****
And here are more headlines from stories
we're following today on NPR, National Punning Radio:
Thinning the ranks: new military rules ban civilian helicopter pilots who weigh more than 250 pounds
Protean powder helps athletes change their shapes
Supreme Court says affirmative action policies go beyond the pale
Local man's family connections relatively helpful in getting job
Microbrewery attributes jump in sales to
good hops
March madness: Easter parades feature music of John Philip Sousa
Gertrude Stein critical
of physician's bedside manner: "There's no 'There, there'"
Fig leaf pose in photos demonstrates full frontal prudity
New Phoenix Suns coach hopes to strengthen team's weaknesses
Copy writer seeks best language in which to couch ads for sofas
Publisher expects big sales for women's new diet book, Lean In
Rhetorician says effects of hyperbole cannot be overstated
OTB patrons play race card
Sadly, high school dropout goes from math labs to meth labs
Revisionist historians call American expansion "The Worstward Movement"
New phone app allows persons of differing
religions to interfaith with each other
For Obama, Syrian red line becomes dread line
VP Joe Biden
at a gain for words in long commencement address
Gun control advocates take shot at NRA
Woman
on first date says sex is off the table; companion says that's the way he prefers it anyhow
Laxative manufacturer says the proof is in the pooing
Disoriented: Bill Gates commits faux pas when shaking hands with South Korean President
French winemakers establish reign of
terroir
Teen puzzled when grandfather complains that telemarketers have his phone ringing off the hook
Senior forgets to do exercises designed to improve memory
Stent-receiving cardiac patient falls in love with nurse, wears sleeve on heart
New orthotics help Batman combat arch enemy
Critic's tepid judgment of The Great Gatsby: kudo
With playoff dreams already shattered, Seattle fans accuse young Mariners of just texting it in
New Phoenix restrooms intended for the
apposite sex
Inexperienced respiratory therapist has patients gasping at straws
Mediocre teacher
can only get students to engage in half-throated discussion
Type A executive sets out to relax as hard as he can
Cross heirs have estate tax in cross hairs
Snarky junior high BFFs walk snide by snide
Glenfidditch sales staff always in excellent spirits
Weight-watcher's motto: no gain, no pain
Cruciverbalists constitute a puzzling population
Hairdresser's favorite Beatles' tune: "Love Me 'Do"
Private eye deduces time of suspect's arising by john's early light
Heart is competitor's strong suit
Transgendered speaker address fellow women
English student almost literally doesn't know what an oxymoron is
John Smith is one of the biggest no-names on the PGA tour
Venezuelans now consider themselves well off if they have a square to spare
ADHD sufferer says he can't wait to learn patience
Minimalist esthetic is huge
Local sex offender says deer antler spray made him horny
Teenage girls hope their jeans make them look phat
Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day; teach a man to phish and he can cheat for a lifetime
Obama's pivot to the Far East is a tour de force
Technology expert is a 'botanist
For Assad, it's the law of rule, not the rule of law
Counselor unsympathetic to clients who can't put selves in others' places
Digital interface designers say "Skew it,
don't skeu it"
Slow docs finally get the lead out: man had pencil in head for 15 years
Does inflationary
theory explain the problem of obesity?
Amazon's proud new advertising slogan: "We specialize in everything"
Republicans say there's something not right about liberals
Deceased Satan-worshiper's tombstone inscription: "I'm in a good place now."
Yogi Berra says economic goal should be to get everyone into the 1%
Ginger Rogers was hell on heels
Getting old is not for Sisyphuses