Here's Hoping

Headlines I'd Like to See in 2014

At the close of 2013, the Seattle Times suggested that readers create headlines that they would like to come across in newspapers in 2014.  Here are mine:

Supreme Court rules that Americans have a Constitutional right to polygamy and polyandry

It takes a millage to raise a child: Mesa voters approve tax increases to fund schools

Aging Tea Party members admit they would never approve of any kind of government health plan except Medicare

Democrats acknowledge that the Affordable Care Act causes serious pocketbook pain to much of the middle class

Republicans finally concede it will do them no political good to drone on and on about painful Benghazi incident

Lindsay Graham agrees that his good-old-boy schtick is growing tiresome

Poll reveals American public willing to pay higher prices if employers agree to raise minimum wage

Mesa to require all on-duty police officers to wear cameras

Washington state legislature cancels free on-street parking for vehicles possessing disabled-parking placards

Beginning in 2015, all new vehicles sold in the U.S. must contain a breathalyzer whose test the driver must pass successfully before engine will start

Arizona legislature decides that driverless cars will be allowed on all roads in AZ

Self-driving cars to hit markets in 2015, cost less than $50,000

All Marines--male and female--who seek combat duty must meet existing physical fitness standards

2014 passes without a single mass shooting in the U.S.

Private catastrophe insurance to be required of all who live within 10 miles of a forest, river, bay, or ocean

Congress authorizes massive thinning of federal forests

Congress cuts defense spending by 10%

Congress raises federal gas tax 5 cents per gallon with proceeds earmarked for improvements in infrastructure

Federal Reserve to raise interest rates and ease up on quantitative easing

FDIC to require that all banks hold 10% of their assets in cash

U.S. to begin using plastic cash

Bitcoin for Dummies now available online and in book stores

Congress passes immigration reform bill, complete with passage to citizenship

Catholic Church concedes that health insurance policies it provides should include contraceptive coverage

After a year of de Blasio, New Yorkers admit they miss Bloomberg

No clemency granted to Snowden after Wiki-leaks incident

Snowden hailed as martyr who stood up for the 4th Amendment

Congress to require all foods for sale--fresh, frozen, canned, prepared--to be labeled with nutrition information, including calorie count

Major effort by U.S. colleges makes it possible for students to take all introductory lecture classes online

Federal grant encourages creativity by supplying all public school science departments with a 3-D printer

Our Study Was Flawed Department: anti-bacterial soaps don't contribute to the spread of disease, diet sodas don't contribute to obesity, and vitamin supplements don't increase the risk of death

Political pundits and sports commentators all agree that any of them who make a specific prediction in the media will donate $1,000 to a homeless shelter if the prediction does not come true

PROPs (People Respecting and 'onoring Plants) society founded as nation gains more respect for the complicated nature of plant life

New USDA-approved drug guaranteed to build muscle and burn fat safely

Grassroots movement to arrive for appointments and dates precisely on time (not fashionably late or senior citizenly-early) sweeps nation

Surprise!  Damian Lewis returns for season 4 of Homeland because Saul's team of turncoat Iranians helped Brodie fake his death

Ukraine snubs Putin, joins European Union

In about-face, Putin orchestrates Gay Pride parade preceding opening ceremonies at Winter Olympic Games

Syrians agree to end Civil War and divide country into 3 parts

Israel announces it will not permit any new settlement on West Bank

Erdogan vows to achieve secular Turkish state

U.S. and Iran form alliance against al-Qaeda militants in Iraq

Phoenix Suns win #1 lottery pick, select Kentucky's Julius Randall

Indiana Pacers defeat San Antonio Spurs for NBA championship in series that can only be called a meat-grinder

Washington Husky basketball team wins NIT

Husky running back Bishop Sankey says he's changed his mind, will return for senior year

Conceding that they cannot recruit top athletes without lowering academic standards, service academies drop interscholastic sports and expand intramural programs

Sports Illustrated features Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi in first-ever Pantsuit Issue

Seattle Mariners sign Masahiro Tanaka

Tiger Woods wins 2 majors

Winter Olympics passes without terrorist attack

Life's Too Short Department: Rule change--pro and college basketball teams to be limited to 2 timeouts apiece for televised games

Life's Too Short Department: Rule change--in basketball games at every level, free throws to be abolished, with 1 point plus possession of the ball to be awarded automatically to the offended team

"Life Coach" admits clients could get same insights more cheaply and quickly simply by watching The Wizard of Oz

*****

Ecurb's Playlist (cont.):

"Jeep's Blues," the Duke Ellington Orchestra--On the legendary 1956 album Ellington at Newport, which includes the beautifully constructed three-part "Festival Suite" and the classic rendition of "Diminuendo in Blue" and Crescendo in Blue," we find this lovely version of "Jeep's Blues," featuring of course Johnny ("Jeep") Hodges on alto sax.  Hodges starts with some lyrical wailing, both sinuous and sinewy, soulful calls from the wild, before he gets to the melody, which he states, comments upon, then annotates the comments.  The rhythm section maintains a firm but unobtrusive beat, Ellington's piano tinkling in support as he can be heard shouting "Oh, yes!" before Hodges closes with a last shivering group of notes.  No wonder the current film American Hustle opens with this number, as Christian Bales and Amy Adams, till then strangers, find themselves bonding in response to it.  How could they not?

 

 

 

Latest comments

29.03 | 17:31

Hi Bruce,
I smiled a lot as I looked! Sometimes I didn't quite understand, other times I did! Keep doing this! You are a fun thinker!

05.07 | 23:04

hi! your blog is really fantastic! you are really lucky to have it. I have one but i did not have a single like apart from me

11.10 | 23:42

No longer pray for an outcome. Just do the footwork, if I can see any. I just pray for the grace to willing accept what the outcome will be.

30.06 | 02:37

yo that is so cool