Wandering through a Mesa cemetery recently, lonely as a Wordsworthian cloud and feeling an Ishmaelian November in my soul, I was first startled and then oddly cheered by the changing
nature of today's tombstone inscriptions. Apparently many are now taking the electronic revolution all the way to their graves, as evidenced by the following examples:
What
app from hell did I mistakenly download?
Not what I anticipated when I hit Control-Alt-Delete
Oops,
meant to click on Pause, not Erase
Logged out
Should've seen the writing on my Wall
If I can't remember my Password, am in Limbo forever?
Nothing happens when I click on Refresh
Apparently there's no eSkype from here
How do you Like me now?
Status update: no longer in any relationships
Looking for a missing Link
You can follow me on Quitter
Gone from Blue-rays to death rays
At last you can Unfriend
me without feeling guilty
I've just been Tagged--on my toe
I suppose no one wants to join my Group
now
Gone from Booting to booted
I was counting on McAfee to prevent this
My new pad could use an iPad
No longer drawing any Pinterest
And just when I'd installed a new Ringtone
Where'd my Server go?
I'm in the Outbox now
Yahoo doesn't seem the appropriate word any more
So much for the Big Bing theory
Wish I'd left a trail of Cookies
Google Maps'll never find me now
Made a final adjustment to my Settings
I've been Instaported
From the Cloud to the clods
Any chance it's just Buffering?
I'd even settle for dial-up service now
No more worries about Privacy
And I had so much stuff left in my Instant Queue
Hope I've been Saved
To top the day off, driving home I caught these stories from NPR, National Punning Radio:
Squabbling Father And Son Play Kvetch
Fast-Food Cook Attacks Customers With A Salt Weapon
Many Americans Say No Religion Is Better Than Islam
New Agers Claim They've Turned A Corner In The Circle Of Life
Gay Matter: Some Say that Sexual Preference Is Hard-Wired
In Aftermath Of Newtown Shootings, Many Home-Schooling Parents
Hiring Armed Guards
Today's Psychiatrists Are Of Two Minds On How To Deal With Schizophrenia
Gun
Bearer Warns Would-Be Assassin: "You Mess With Me, You're Gonna Get Your Glock Cleaned"
Increase Of Christian Influence In Egypt Called A Coptical Illusion
String Theory Physicists See Parallel Universes In Parallel Grains Of Sand
Dwellers Near Burke-Gilman Trail Fear Encountering
A Psychopath On The Cycle Path
Higher Education Meets Adversity In Attempt To Achieve University Diversity
Embroiderer's Survey Reveals It's True: April Is The Crewelest Month
Talent Evaluator Says Candidate's Intangibles Are Obvious
Viewers Say Documentary On The Relativity Of Time Really Drags
To Improve Image, PAWS Hires Puplicist
Frustrated Dry Cleaner Says He's Pressing Too Hard
Jose College Hopes To See Passage Of Dream Act
Hair Stylists Call The Donald's 'Do An Example Of The Trump l'Oeil School
Spoiler Alert: 2nd Law Of Thermodynamics Requires That Universe Dies in
10-To-The-Power-Of-100 Years
Losing Coach Pines For Stronger Bench
Ringling Brothers Big Cat Tamer
Lionized
Japanese Pastry Chef Passes Doughnut-Making Test With Frying Crullers
Dung 'n' Doughnuts:
Starbucks Specialty Coffee Brewed From Beans Eaten And Excreted By Elephants
Luckless Man's Life So Bad That He's Never Once Had To Pinch Himself
Fitness Expert Says That Taxing Workouts And Drastic Slashing Of Caloric Budget Can Reduce Oxygen Debt And Help Avoid Physical Cliff
Online
University To Field Fantasy Football Team
Scientists Say Global Warming Causing Bipolar Disorder
Getting
Old Not For Sissies? Afraid So, Say Seniors
Geologist Praised For Gneiss Work
String-Theory
Physicists Call Selves The Savant-Garde
"To-Go" Now America's Go-To Food
VCU Cagers Lose
To Kansas When Coach Shaka Tries To Out-Smart Self
Locavores' Motto: "Yes, We Can"
Dreck
The Halls: Americans Display Christmas Spirit With Kitsch
The Obamas And The Tapas: First Family Loves Spanish Appetizers
The Guessed List: Film Critics Predict 2012 Oscar Nominees
Dura-Cell Uses Batteries Of Tests To Test Batteries
Fetishist Gets Spanking New Belt For Christmas
After Much Deliberation And Study, Scientists Conclude That People Are Irrational
Phoenix Haboobs Exaspirate Lung Problems
Mid-East Couple Opens New Breakfast Joint Called The Falafel House
For New Smart-Phone Generation, Tweetings Replacing Meetings
Overcrowded Hospitals Now Require Patients To
Schedule ER Visits Online
Modern Stand-Up Comics Speak Effluently
Boss Tweed And Tammany Hall
Were Brought Down By Nasty Cartoons
Congressional Efforts To Achieve Fiscal Amity Result In Fiscalamity
Counselor For Substance Abuse Turning A Few Heads
What's Relevance Got To Do With Liberal Arts Programs?
Packer Fans Call Seahawks' Early Season Win Over Green Bay A Forgery
Meditator Comes Away Totally Depressed By Successful Acquisition Of Self-Knowledge
America's Obesity Problem Not Over Till The Thin Lady Sings