 |
|
|
 |
|
In the worlds of art and entertainment, we can distinguish between what appeals to high brows and what appeals to low brows--Hamlet/Jersey Shore; Marcel Proust/Mickey Spillane; Renee Fleming/Taylor Swift--with the high brows and low brows unlikely to be found visiting the same venue, reading the same book, or watching the same television channel. But in the worlds of America's three favorite spectator sports--professional and college football and basketball and professional baseball--there is only a unibrow. It's a democratic world of yo, bro (or sis), replete with characters, structures, themes, tropes, and archetypes which everyone can discern and enjoy.
Who doesn't love the many interplays, the commutations and permutations, among the villains and the heroes, the comeback kids and the over-the-hill gangs, the phenoms and the crafty veterans, the modest and the prideful? Who doesn't love the up and down trajectories, the stock market-like graph, of the changing fortunes of teams and individuals in the course of season-long sagas? Who doesn't love to scrutinize the stats and the standings? Who doesn't love the strophe-antistrophe, point-counterpoint, and call-response within games and from game to game? Who doesn't love chapters full of conflicts that develop complications that finally lead to climaxes and pleasing or painful denouements as teams pursue their quest of the holy grail? Who doesn't love analyzing and criticizing tactics and strategies? Who doesn't love epic battles built on the lyricism of bodies in controlled motion? Who doesn't love to arise at 5:00 a.m., grind some fresh coffee beans, pour an aromatic 16-ounce drip, then pore over the morning's sports pages? Moment after moment, game after game, season after season, America's favorite spectator sports provide us with objective correlatives for these themes and more:
David and Goliath. (The aging Dallas Mavericks beat the young, more athletic, heavily-favored Miami Heat in the 2011 NBA finals; tiny, unheralded Butler reaches the 2011 NCAA championship game.)
Rags to riches. (The Arizona Diamondbacks finish last in their division in 2010, win it in 2011; the wild card 2011 St. Louis Cardinals win not only the division playoffs but also the American League Championship and the World Series.)
From penthouse to outhouse. (The Mavericks win the NBA championship in 2011, lose in the first round of the playoffs in 2012; the Diamondbacks win their division in 2011, as of this writing flounder well below .500 in 2012.)
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. (Seattle Mariner manager Eric Wedge says after the White Sox throw a "perfect" game at his team, "It's going to help us figure out that much sooner where we are when something like this happens"--and behold, the M's proceed to go on a winning streak; alas, the new-found strength is short-lived, as the M's thereafter resume their losing ways while, Wedge is no doubt saying, getting stronger with every beating that they take.)
Pain and injury transcended. (Willis Reed inspires his New York Knick teammates to victory as he drags his injured leg up and down the floor in the seventh game of the 1970 NBA finals.)
Pride goeth before a fall. (For decades, coach Joe Paterno wields more power at Penn State than its president or athletic director but is abruptly fired when it is perceived that he followed only the letter, not the spirit, of the law in regard to possible sex offenses committed by one of his assistants; LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh, in a schlock-filled, nationally-televised pep rally, all but promise Miami Heat fans an NBA title, then struggle during the regular season and fall to Dallas in the 2011 finals.)
Never say die. (The L.A. Clippers, down by 27 points after three quarters, rally to beat Memphis on the Grizzlies' home court to win a 2012 NBA playoff game.)
All races, genders, and ethnicities deserve equal respect and equal opportunities. (Granted, it's been an uphill struggle for equality, but Jackie Robinson breaks MLB's color barrier in 1947, becoming the first black to play in the majors; in 1972 Title IX requires that schools receiving federal funds must provide interscholastic teams for women as well as men; team nicknames like The Fighting Sioux are gradually being discarded.)
Crime and punishment. (Not a day goes by that we don't learn of charges and punishments for various kinds of sordid behavior by athletes, coaches, athletic directors, agents, and boosters at both the college and the pro levels. Western Kentucky basketball players brawl and get shot outside a bar; the Toledo and Connecticut basketball teams are banned from NCAA postseason play for academic failures by players; three Central Michigan football players get booted from the team after being charged with criminal activity; four Marshall football players are arrested for disorderly conduct; an Arkansas linebacker is arrested for burglary; a West Virginia linebacker is arrested for assault; two Kansas football players are dismissed for violating team rules; an Arizona basketball player is arrested for domestic violence; Bobby Petrino, Arkansas football coach, gets fired for hiring his mistress and lying about their affair; the 2012 Baylor women's NCAA championship team is sanctioned for recruiting violations; the Baylor men's team commits similar violations and is similarly sanctioned; the L.A. Lakers' Metta World Peace floors an opponent with a vicious, malicious elbow and gets suspended for seven games; New Orleans Saints coach Sean Peyton gets suspended for a year for countenancing a bounty system wherein his players were paid for injuring opponents; former MLB pitcher Roger Clemens is tried for perjury after denying using steriods in an earlier mistrial; Cincinnati Bengals linebacker Nate Webster is convicted of unlawful sex with a minor; the South Carolina football team is sanctioned with the loss of six scholarships because of recruiting violaltions; the Lakers' Jordan Hill is charged with felony assault in Houston. These tidbits were all reported in the Arizona Republic within a one-week period; like Law and Order, the sports crime show is on every day and will run forever.)
Sin, penance, redemption. (The Arizona Cardinals draft Michael Floyd, Notre Dame wide receiver, in the first round despite his previous three arrests for drunken driving, because he swears that he's mended his ways [and he also happens to be the talented receiver that the Cards need to relieve the pressure on their star, Larry Fitzgerald]; Charles Barkley, TNT commentator convicted of drunken driving and solicitation of a prostitute, serves a suspension, apologizes profusely to NBA fans, is reinstated, and two years later wins the NBA's Analyst of the Year award.)
Armchair quarterbacks and second-guessers. (By means of call-in radio and TV shows and Twitter, fans can let the whole world know that, unlike Chicago Bulls' coach Tom Thibodeau and N.Y. Yankee manager Joe Girardi, they would not have allowed Derrick Rose and Mariano Rivera to suffer season-ending torn ACLs on their watch. They would not have been stupid enough to play Rose in the last minute of a game in which the Bulls held a comfortable lead, nor would they have allowed Rivera to shag balls in the outfield during batting practice. Fans also can point out the infinite number of mistakes that managers and coaches make in their lineups, matchups, tactics and strategies.)
Competitive spin-offs. (Fans can do more than spectate and criticize; they can show off their knowledge and compete for money themselves by participating in fantasy leagues or gambling at Sports Books.)
Schadenfreude. (Seattle Mariner fans can chortle that Michael Pineda, star pitcher traded to the Yankees, has torn his labrum and is on the DL for the whole season; those members of the 99% who are not L.A. Angels fans can relish the fact that Albert Pujols, recently signed for $240 million, is now hitting only .212 after almost two months of play.)
Fickle finger of fate. (Mariano Rivera, Yankees' perennial all-star and certain Hall-of-Famer, suffers a torn ACL casually shagging flies in batting practice, probably ending his career.)
Churlishness and childishness. (Boston Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine remarks in public that infielder Kevin Youkliss is not doing all that he can for the team; Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy does the same in regard to center Dwight Howard; both players take umbrage and the resulting dissension harms both teams even more.)
If at first you don't succeed.... (Perennial minor leaguer Cody Ransom at age 36 gets a chance to play with the Arizona Diamondbacks and gets 10 hits with three doubles and three homers in his first 29 at-bats.)
And a child shall lead them. (19-year-old Washington Nationals rookie Bryce Harper hits .385 with a homer and a double, has three RBIs, runs bases with abandon, and unleashes strong throws in his first five games.)
A diamond in the cowpie. (In desperation, as the N.Y. Knicks lose players to injuries and games to their opponents, coach Mike d'Antoni turns to Harvard-educated benchwarmer Jeremy Lin, who immediately puts up dazzling numbers and leads the team on a winning streak. "Linsanity" rules until he, too, is forced to the sidelines by an injury.)
Et tu, Brute? (Shakespeare lovers, Godfather readers, and Bill Clinton admirers muse about the meanings of "is" and "50%" and "sure" and of course "loyalty" when Yankee pitcher Andy Pettitte tells a jury that he is 50% sure and 50% not sure that his old teammate, best buddy, and workout pal Roger Clemens told him, Pettitte, that he, Clemens, had used illegal steroids and/or human growth hormone.)
Sidekicks riding shotgun. (Steve Kerr and Jim Paxson, journeymen at best, help the Chicago Bulls to NBA titles by making clutch perimeter shots when a double- and triple-teamed Michael Jordan is forced to pass to them.)
Political correctness. (Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen is suspended for saying that he loves Fidel Castro; Marge Schott, at one time the owner of the Cincinnati Reds, is suspended for expressing admiration for Adolph Hitler; Delmon Young of the Detroit Tigers is charged with hate-crime harrassment after making anti-Semitic slurs.)
Lust for, followed by condemnation of, violence. (Fans watch replay after replay of serious collisions and painful injuries incurred in football, of batters hit by pitches in baseball, of Ron Artest stunning James Harden with a vicious elbow to the head in NBA basketball, at first gushing "Wow, OMG," then "Tsk-tsk," then "Shame"; 100 ex-NFL players, who once had a passion for inflicting pain and took pride in playing with pain, file a federal lawsuit claiming the NFL does not properly protect players from concussions.)
Jocks may rock but nerds are needed, too. (Sabremetricians have charted and quantified seemingly every aspect of baseball, allowing managers and general managers to supplement intuition with objective data when making personnel and strategic decisions; football and basketball have followed suit; and innovative team trainers like Aaron Nelson of the Phoenix Suns make use of techniques like cryotherapy to help aging players like Steve Nash and Grant Hill rehab more quickly and stay healthy longer.)
Old-school hazing of the neophyte. (Philadelphia Phillies' pitcher Cole Hamels deliberately hits highly-regarded rookie Bryce Harper the first time he faces him; MLB suspends him for five games, but he is unapologetic.)
Code of silence. (Phillies' manager Charlie Manuel says of Hamels' remarks: "He could have been a little more discreet or less honest.")
Pay-back is a snitch. (Harper deliberately shows up Hamels by stealing home against him.)
Mysteries of the human mind and soul. (Junior Seau, former NFL great, commits suicide and his family donates his brain to science for study; did the numerous concussions he experienced during his career cause brain damage and lead him to the act?)
Object lessons in how to deal with aging and debilitation. (Tennessee basketball coach Pat Summit agrees to take a diminished role in the Tennessee program and doesn't try to hide her dementia.)
Respect the game, play the right way. (The NBA's unspectacular San Antonio Spurs, led by the aging and earthbound Big Fundamental, Tim Duncan, in 2012 win their conference despite suffering many injuries by playing solid defense, taking good shots, and getting all players to know their roles and play within themselves.)
Experience, wiliness, and craftiness can trump youth and athleticism. (Jamie Moyer and Omar Vizquel make MLB rosters at ages 49 and 44, respectively; floundering as a first baseman, Tim Wakefield learns to throw a knuckleball and wins 200 games in 17 years of pitching for the Red Sox; Phoenix point guard Steve Nash passes Oscar Robertson for fifth on the NBA's all-time assists list and shoots 50% from the field and 90% from the free throw line at age 38.)
Strategy and tactics can make a difference; if you don't match up in physical ability, you can still outfox your opponent. (Coach Rick Majerus employ a triangle-and-two defense and Utah defeats favored Arizona in a Final Four NCAA game in 1998; coach Chris Peterson calls three trick plays in the fourth quarter and Boise State defeats favored Oklahoma in the 2006 Fiesta Bowl.)
Tradition matters. (Long after leopards have changed their spots, the NY Yankees will still be wearing pinstripes; venerated Fenway Park celebrates its 100th anniversary in 2012; devout fans still make pilgrimages to see the parquet floor of the Boston Garden.)
Sacred relics. (Fans treasure and enshrine autographs, bubble gum cards, and old pieces of equipment; an old Babe Ruth jersey sells for $4.4 million.)
Band of brothers. (The 1979 Pittsburgh Pirates adopt "We Are Fam-a-lee" as their theme song and credit togetherness for their World Series success that year.)
Hope springs eternal; wait till next year; the season is dead, long live the season. (The media provide us with a cornucopia of information about which players are being recruited by which colleges and which players are being considered in what order for drafting by professional teams. After selection is completed, there is much hashing and rehashing of choices and gnashing and regnashing of teeth in regard to who thinks which teams were most successful and can look forward to bright futures; the UCLA basketball team, down and out in 2011-12, has the highest-rated recruiting class for 2012-13, pundits say.)
Some games are more than contests, they are Armageddons, bitter battles involving the forces of good against the forces of evil. (Examples include Red Sox-Yankees in baseball, Michigan-Ohio State in football, Duke-North Carolina in basketball.)
Some participants are put on pedestals. (Examples include former UCLA coach John Wooden, whose expletives never had to be deleted because he said nothing stronger than "Goodness gracious sakes alive," and football player Tim Tebow and basketball player A.C. Green, both considered models of virtue and piety.)
Some participants are objects of scorn and loathing. (Examples include Chicago's Shoeless Joe Jackson, who threw games; Cincinnati's Pete Rose, who bet on baseball games; San Francisco's Barry Bonds, whose steroid use helped him to set the home run record; and Detroit's Ty Cobb, who tried to spike and injure opponents.)
A few participants break rules but are such loveable rogues and rascals that fans just can't help forgiving them. (Baseball's Manny Ramirez uses steroids and ignores team rules and protocol but is granted amnesty because that's just "Manny being Manny"; Gaylord Perry throws illegal spitballs to help him win over 300 games but still is voted into the Hall of Fame.)
Exploitation of labor. (The NCAA and its Division I members reap immense profits from the marketing of college football and basketball but give the players who make that possible no remuneration except for scholarships.)
Greed. (The NCAA refuses to adopt a bona fide playoff format for the national football championship because that would require giving up the more lucrative 40-plus bowl games that it allows each year.)
Extortion. (Rich owners of professional teams threaten to move to a different city unless their current city builds them a new, high-revenue-producing stadium or arena; thus the Minnesota legislature allots $348 million and the city of Minneapolis $150 million for the building of a new football stadium after the Vikings owner says he may move his team to L.A.)
Collusion. (At the expense of their players, the NFL and the NBA impose salary caps and revenue sharing in an attempt to impose a competitive balance.)
It's all about the love. (Farewell to the high-five and the fist-bump--pro basketball players have created a new meme that now pervades the entire U.S. male population: a hand-shake accompanied by an awkward, one-armed embrace.)
Scapegoating. (L.A. Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher is fired just six weeks into the 2012 season because the Angels are five games below .500 and Albert Pujols is hitting just .212 with only one home run.)
You can't go home again. (Examples include failed comebacks by retired superstars like football's Brett Favre, baseball's Jose Canseco and Ricky Henderson, and basketball's Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson.)
You never know when the extreme upper end of the Bell curve might be reached, resulting in magic moments of awe and amazement. (In 1962 Wilt Chamberlain scores 100 points in an NBA basketball game; in 2012 White Sox journeyman pitcher Phil Humber pitches just the 21st perfect game in MLB's 400,000 game history and Texas' Josh Hamilton hits four home runs in a single game, only the 16th player to do so in those 400,000 games.)
Bullying. (The Marquis of Queensbury approach to competition is often honored in the breach, as pro teams hire tough-guy enforcers like the L.A. Clippers' Reggie Evans, who regularly comes off the bench to grab six or seven rebounds and three or four of his opponents' crotches.)
Self-destructive meltdowns by drama queens and train wrecks. (Amare Stoudemire of the NY Knicks badly cuts his hand punching the glass of a fire extinguisher case; the Yankees' Kevin Brown breaks his hand punching a clubhouse wall; NY Giants' wide receiver Plaxico Burress shoots himself while enjoying a night on the town.)
Post hoc, ergo propter hoc--superstitions and magical thinking abound. (Baseball players believe that hitting is contagious, that turning caps inside out can spark rallies, that pregame rituals and routines must be followed to achieve success or avert disaster.)
Theory of relativity. (In tight basketball games, for example, if one team opens up a 10 point lead with about six minutes left in the game, we feel that it is now going to win; on the other hand, if a team is 20 points behind but manages to cut that deficit to 10 with six left to play, we feel that the game is still in doubt--even though it's the same 10 point lead with six to go in each case.)
Don't ask, don't tell. (Statistics tell us that the number of gays and lesbians in sports must be close to the 10% figure of the total population, but when will we ever know for sure? We don't ask, they don't tell.)
Don't judge by appearances. (Popular belief has it that concussions are killing NFL players by the score, but recent studies show that NFL players live longer on average than the general population of males.)
Method acting. (Seeking to get favorable calls from referees, at the slightest contact basketball players on defense cry out in pain and flop dramatically to the floor as if they've just been hit by a truck; offensive players entangle their arms with those of defensive players and stagger away as if they have just been molested.)
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child. (LeBron James ditches the Cleveland Cavaliers, the team that drafted and nurtured him, and convinces fellow superstars Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh to join him in signing with the Miami Heat.)
On the other hand, it's not personal, it's business. (No offense meant to their former teams, towns, and fans, say James, Wade, and Bosh, it's just a smart business decision to go to a team that will pay them more money, give them more exposure, and provide them with a better opportunity to win a championship.)
Yes, many of us revel in the real but inconsequential conflicts--call it the escapist friction--to be found in the world of our major spectator sports. Mes freres et soeurs, it doesn't take a Jacques Derrida, Roland Barthes, or Claude Levi-Strauss to deconstruct the sports pages, yet the material therein is rich enough to warrant a long look every day by both the hoity-toity and the hoi polloi.
|
|
|