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(When I was laid up with polymyalgia rheumatica last summer, I Netflixed a slug of old Hollywood films, many of which featured Marilyn Monroe. Though no Meryl Streep, she was a much better actress than I had realized and gave more life to the films than I would have expected her to be able to do.)
SCREENING MARILYN
Platinum blonde bombshell, gold standard for derrieres, dancer, klutz, femme fatale, fool for love, vamp, gold-digger, doll, moll, divine and divining, guileful, nurturing, fragile, hardy, wise, dumb, intuitive, languid, feline, bubbly, breathless, wide-eyed, voluble, sweet-voiced songbird bravely rushing into her scenes, yearning for intimacy, looking at but not quite linking with, forever screened by her beauty, wanted and wanting, touching but profoundly untouchable.
*****
WATCH OUT
Seers hip to all things electronic tell us that the watch is on its way out. Cell phones are the time pieces of choice for today's teenagers. Soon none of them will wear a watch. All will learn the time from their mobile communication device (which will be a very smart phone indeed: a computer, a TV, a music source, a many-app'd device that will monitor their physical, mental, and emotional health and generally hold their hand, even as their hand holds it, through life. They will happily float in the Cloud at all times).
Within a generation or two, we will have lost such social class markers as Rolex and Timex. Flea market vendors will have one less product to vend; rogue knockoff companies will have to find a different product to knock off; and both men and women will have to buy bracelets or get tattoos to decorate their bare wrist zones. As we go entirely digital, we'll lose our knowledge of the Roman numerals that have for generations graced the faces of many watches. (Could this be part of a terrorist plot to make us go all Arabic numbers and soften us up for the institution of Sharia law?) And our language will suffer the loss of such useful expressions as "Turn clockwise," "Go counterclockwise," "Hold the steering wheel at 10 and 2," "I'll meet you at high noon," "What do you want to watch--Midnight Madness, Midnight Cowboy?" Bill Haley and other all-night partyers will no longer be able to "rock around the clock"; Type A over-achievers will no longer "work around the clock." And, in circumstances where we need to be silent, what will we do when we can no longer point to our wrists to say, without words, "Hurry up" or "Let's get out of here" or "Watch the time" or "What time is it?"
Certainly we'll miss the sense of an hour as a circle of time that can be cut into pieces. For most of my life I've said "It's quarter after two" or "It's quarter to four." But the digital influence is powerful. Now, even looking at an analog watch or clock, I find myself saying "2:15" or "3:45" because it seems more elegant and modern. To say "Quarter after two" sounds quaint and clunky, like a Druid interpreting a rune, perhaps. Yikes! Forget those airport scanners and patdowns and cling to your analog watches with the Roman numerals. If you don't, the terrorists have won.
*****
AZ ZEN
"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" is the classic, oft-quoted Zen koan. Herewith some neo-classic, never-before-quoted Zen koans from Arizona land.
What do we hear at Safeco Field on a weekday night when the Mariners manage to eke out a run? The sound of one fan clapping.
What did we hear in America on December 6, 1941? The sound of one land napping.
What do we hear at a jazz concert? The sound of one band vamping.
What do we hear on the mean streets of the 'hood? The sound of one man rapping.
What do we hear when a cowboy marks a steer for identification? The sound of one brand zapping.
What do we hear when the neighbor's dog is feeling territorial? The sound of one Afghan yapping.
What do we hear when a doting Nana says yes to her grandchild? The sound of one gram pamp'ring.
What do we hear when South African currency gets devalued? The sound of one rand sapping.
What do we hear when a Scotsman dons a hat? The sound of one tam capping.
What do we hear when a cook turns a Spanish dessert? The sound of one flan flapping.
What do we hear when Bancroft gets exasperated? The sound of one Anne stamping.
What did we hear when Boone was through blazing trails for the day? The sound of one Dan camping.
What do we hear when a seam rips? The sound of one strand snapping.
What do we hear when a man with a leg prosthesis walks down the hall? The sound of one Van tramping.
What do we hear when the members of a Scottish family begin to fight among themselves? The sound of one clan grappling.
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