Good morning and welcome to NPR, National Punning Radio. Here are some headlines
from stories we're following today:
Orthopedist Getting Tired Of Patient's Stooped Questions
Ecotists Certain They
Have The Solution To World's Environmental Problems
All Hands On Dreck: Flea Markets Attracting Large Crowds
Most Recent
Papal Bull: Animals Have Souls
Dancers Limbo Up For Contest
Comity Of Errors: Disputants Reach Agreement By Misunderstanding
Each Other
Cheney Calls Criticism Of Cla-Rectal Feeding Of Guantanamo Prisoners 'A Bunch Of Crap'
Comedian Says His Off-Color
Jokes Just Come To Him Out Of The Blue
Neo-Nazism in Ukraine? Donetsk, Don't Tell
Foot Fetishist Looking For Sole Mate
Man Discovers Latent Talent: Anagramming
Participants Keep Their Cool In Sue's Seance
MRI Of Jeopardy Loser's Thumbs
Reveals Over-Abundance Of Slow-Twitch Fibers
Bored Students Ask: Why Does It Take So Long For History To Develop?
Italian-American
Community In Uproar As Native Americans Declare Christopher Columbus First Illegal Immigrant
Pole Dancer Brings Full Resources To Bare
Mafia Family Wakes Up To Police Bust Because Rosie Fingered Don
Old Testament Scholar Says There's Strength in "Numbers"
Old Man Always Wakes Up In The Pee Small Hours Of The Morning
Federal Restrictions On Open Range Grazing Catalyst For Cliven Bundy's
Protest
University's Disgruntled Geologists Engage In Fault-Finding
Man With Directile Dysfunction Asks Siri For Help
Sound Technician Tells Film Director 'This Dub's For You'
Some Burritos At Chipotle Getting A Bad Wrap
Elderly Widower Hard-Pressed To Find Someone To Do His Ironing
TV Screen Writer Says Censorship Of His Scripts Means Death By A Thousand Cuts And They've Got
To Stop The Bleeping
Outfielder On Disabled List Says His Foot Pain Is Too Much To Handle
In Washington And Colorado,
Competitive Drug Dealers Sweeten The Pot With Discounts
Pitcher With Pedestrian Stuff Leads League In Walks Allowed
Stage
Director Tells Actors Complaining About Their Wardrobes: The Costumer Is Always Right
Undersized Middle Linebacker Not Afraid To Shy Away From Contact
Arch Bishop Criticizes Moral Values Of Modern Man
Pothead's Amigos Dub Him 'Man Of La Muncha'
Attention-Starved
Child Tells Father There's No Present Like The Time
Old-Fashioned Chiropractor Still Dealing With Floppy Disks
Parisians
Angered That Number Of Dog Messes On Sidewalks Is Growing Excrementally
Coach Brian Kelly Says Five-Star Recruit Will Become The H-Back Of Notre Dame
Jihadists Put The "Isis" In "Crisis"
The C Of Tranquility: Survey Reveals Many Students Satisfied With 2.0 GPA
Some Items On Man's Bucket List Are Beyond The Pale
The 'Mart Wants What The 'Mart Wants: Walmart's Goal Is To Open A New Store Every Week
Gay Comedian Can't Keep A Straight Face
Belarusians Celebrate Holiday With Minsk Pie
College's
Office Of Admissions Motto: Sweet Are The Uses Of Diversity
Twist Dancer Has Checkered Past
Caught In Stop-And-Go Traffic,
Careful Driver Comes Up Slowly In Order To Avoid The Benz
Softball Pitcher's Sore Shoulder Is Her Achilles Heel
Most Americans
Confess That When It Comes To The Middle East They Don't Know Amad From Adam
"We've Lost Our Mortal Compass" Say Opponents Of Using Robotics To Prolong Human Life
Sales Slump: Google Encounters Glass Ceiling
Office Of Economic Opportunity Admonishes Employers Not To Sell Dwarves Short
Women In India Tired Of Wearing Dresses All The Time--Is That Sarong?
Religion Skeptics Point To The Sham In Shaman
Spiritualist Says He Has Good Grasp Of The Intangibles
Hoarse Whisperer Needs Day Off From Training Equines
English Put Their Spin On European Union Problems
True Love Not For The Feint Of Heart, Counselor Says
Busy,
Busy, Busy: Cell Phone Ring-Toning Off Man's Belt Strap
Public Employees Forced To Exchange Defined-Benefits Pensions For IRAs Are Exceedingly Wroth
Woman With Bad Haircut Suffers From Post-Traumatic Tress Syndrome
Pachyderm Advocates Say Issue Of Breeding In Captivity Is The Elephant In The Womb
Milliner Says Of Her Made-To-Order Creation 'This Hat's Fuh Dora'
These Days, A Tree Doesn't Fall Far From Apple
Team's Best Running Backs Are William Senior, Junior, and William Junior, Senior
Extroverted Nun Says The World Is Her Cloister
Kerry Discusses Possible Iranian Nuclear Agreement With Netanyahu But Explanation Falls On Daft Ears
Caustic Film Director Goes To
Iran, Chooses Locals To Cast As Persians
Rodney Dangerfield Very Impressed By Artist's Studio: 'I Tell Ya, He's Got An Atelier'
Who Says Flanerie Will Get You No Where?
In Attempting To Conduct Foreign Policy, Congress Supplies US With A Richness Of Embarrassments
Dreamer's Hopes Shattered, Leaving Him With Only REMnants
During Lunchtime Staff Meeting About Next Show, Museum's Curator Decides To Hold The Manets
Telemarketer Supervisor, Disappointed In Sales Results, Calls Out Employee
Philip Eno Is Activist For Asian-Americans
Politician Says His View On The Origin Of Mankind Is Evolving
Hefty Diner At Italian Restaurant Has Epiphany, Says 'Basta" To Pasta
Happy Stableboy Is To The Manure Born
Couple Who Sought Refuge In Shelter During Tornado Have Whirlwind Romance