Warriors Ink Snave

 

In euphoric remarks to the media after winning the NBA 2014-15 championship, Golden State coach Steve Kerr attributed the team's success to sacrifices made by every player, especially Andre Bogut, a starter for most of the season who never got off the bench in the last three games of the Finals, and David Lee, a one-time key player who saw action only for one minute in the clinching game.

"The sacrifice every guy made, from Andre and David stepping away from the starting lineup, we just played.  And they were all in it just to win.  That's all that mattered.  This is an amazing group of guys"

Kerr went on to say "The self-sacrificing approach has worked so well that I am excited to announce that Ecurb Snave will join us for the 2015-16 season at the NBA minimum salary of $500,000.  We're building a dynasty in the Bay Area.  Ever the consummate team player, Ecurb promises not only not to whine about lack of playing time but also not even to show up for games and practices.  Not making any promises, but this is the kind of guy that can bring us a championship again next year.  Our team meme is addition by subtraction.  His absence will make us stronger."

Snave, who held the Edmonds High School free throw percentage record from 1957 to 1966, said of his signing, "Not to brag, but I think I'm as good as any non-player in the world.  Even at age 75 I can not-play at a very high level.  You can count on me to shine in my role of off off-guard."

*****

With the assistance of mintners like Ecurb Snave, who does more than not-play for the Golden State Warriors, the English language continues to ferment and produce a heady brew of new words, although some claim that the following should be discarded as dregs:

califlower--poppy used to make opium/heroine, the profits of which are used by ISIL to fund  the Caliphate

Thingsgiving--an extended holiday period from the last Thursday in November through December 25 when Americans defy annual astrophysical intimations of mortality by bingeing on food and drink, lavishing material goods on one another, and putting lights on everything

net neuterality--dismissive term used by ISPs who claim that the FCC policy of net neutrality will remove their power to innovatively stream internet service and innovatively raise their fees to consumers

neuterition--dismissive term applied by Paleos to the belief  in a balanced diet

protractive--acting in advance to prevent an anticipated problem and continuing to do so for a long time

protechtionism--belief held by, among others, Pollyanna, Dr. Pangloss, and Ecurb Snave, that technology will solve the environmental problems that technology has created

lootenant--attendant in a British public lavatory

listickles--humorous listicles

Anglofillies--What's all this then?  Women enamored of all things British, like Downton Abbey and feature stories about the doings of the royals

cameraderie--pleasant relationship between friends who enjoy taking pictures of each other to post on Facebook

Oregonomics--law of make-work practiced in Oregon, where gas may be pumped only by attendants, not customers

kitschen--a place where cooks look for different ingredients to combine with cream of mushroom soup in casserole dishes to take to potluck dinners

consternvationist--a believer in going green who is vexed by the hordes who consider global warming to be a minor problem, if not an outright hoax

suppernatural--an evening meal untainted by foods containing GMOs

iouta--a chit for a small debt

commandeer--to take control of a disorganized hunting party

krudos--a term of congratulation to a party host who offers a fine presentation of raw vegetables

matrickulation--practice followed by athletic departments in many universities in which football and basketball players are enrolled in courses that, if in fact they meet at all, provide tutors to write term papers and take exams for the players

parapetetic--one who tours Europe and wanders around the parapets of historical castles

bandemonium--noise and excitement produced by opposing pep bands at football and basketball games

hip-hoop--"And-1" style basketball,  all dunks, Maravich moves, no-look passes, and 3s

post-traumatic tress syndrome--the tendency, especially among females, to alter one's hairdo after a nerve-shattering experience, such as a bad break-up

unPresidented--the attempt to conduct foreign policy (such as inviting Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to address them and warning Iran that any agreement on nuclear weapons made with the Obama administration may be quickly rescinded after he leaves office) by the U.S. Congress

immigrunts--day laborers from foreign countries doing low-level physical labor in America

overaided--donations to third world countries who have experienced natural disasters

bourbon renewal--positive attitude adjustment resulting from imbibing Kentucky corn products

Eskimono--sealskin robe worn by natives in the frozen north

term papers--birth and death certificates

ad hawk--an aggressive seller of space or airtime in the media

apocollapse--sudden, dramatic widespread economic failure, such as a stock market crash, major banks going broke, or the housing market tanking

ecotist--one who congratulates himself on his ecological purity

compromice--an agreement in which one party basically adheres to the terms established by the other party

imminent domain--the period between signing the papers to purchase a house and the actual taking possession of the house

sweakual--inferior follow-up version of a novel or a movie

privilage--the political clout--most visible in Social Security and Medicare programs-- of senior citizens, who are much more likely to vote than their juniors; also, the pseudo, non-Confucian , patronizing  "respect" shown to seniors (senior discounts, senior rates, terms of endearment like "Sweetie," etc.)

beer hug--overly familiar gesture of greeting and farewell foisted on the unwilling by the inebriated

poiverty--a condition suffered by culinary creations that lack spice

Jolineing-in--aggressively insisting on elective surgery in order to prevent cancer later in life.

waster shortage-water shortage caused by wasteful humans (long showers, car washes, lawn waterings, etc)

double-edged sward--term for dual nature of plots of suburban grass that please esthetically but consume copious amounts of water

mooseum--site containing a collection of artifacts that are typically found on a dairy farm

amnestesia-- forgiving and forgetting an act found to be offensive, such as illegal immigration

candid-date--an honest representation of oneself when going out for the first time with someone new

sciontology--scientific study of the offspring of the rich and famous

inductronation--welcoming ceremony involving the teaching of doctrine to newcomers (religious groups, corporations, the military, etc.)

anthropoapologist--one who believes in accepting and valuing all cultures and societies except his own, which he constantly criticizes

tranchent--a short-lived financial package in which assets are over-valued and risks are under-estimated

rumbar--a prolonged, back- to- the- water, sensuous moving of the hips during a hot shower for those suffering from lumbar pain

parsemony--providing terse, trenchant explanations

Siliconic--term applied to the few pioneering and extravagantly profitable tech startups like Google and Apple

 shelfie--a self-made picture of oneself good enough to print and frame

 brugh--a greeting or parting hug engaged in by men who have only a lukewarm relationship

 cornutopia--Iowa; collection of Homer and Jethro jokes; an overflowing of prescriptions for an ideal society

 punitent--one who apologizes for continually making bad puns (not a synonym for Ecurb Snave who, though he certainly makes way more bad puns than is socially acceptable, refuses to apologize for them)

 stepsis--a wicked, toxic step-sister

dogumentary--a film featuring dogs, like Best In Show, Lassie Come Home, The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin

chateaucase--A realtor's elaborate staging in an effort to sell a house 

chaosk--place where hordes of people fight for access to computer monitors in order to check in for airline travel

cellfish--adjective applied to people who turn to their cell phones to check for text messages when in the company of others or who carry on loud phone conversations in the presence of others

shingles bar--a place where shingles-plagued senior citizens can gather to commiserate over drinks

photocrat--one who controls more than his share of bandwidth

Rogues scholar--a college football or basketball player who neglects his "studies" and/or gets in trouble with the law